Self Medicating...


Ok, so ever since I found out that my daughter is also bipolar my rapid cycling has been out of control. I don't know how to stop it. Yesterday morning I could barely pull myself out of bed. But by the middle of the day I was riding high, on a mini manic episode that would make anybody jealous, only to find myself back in the depths of hell a couple of hours later.

The only thing that I've found to even slow down the rapid cycling is alcohol, so I guess you could say that I'm self medicating with alcohol (at least for the time being). Only problem is I tend to do things that I normally wouldn't do when I'm sober. Usually I'd drag along my BFF and she would keep me out of trouble. But I can't exactly ask her to stay out late during the middle of the week.

I don't remember much about my bar hoping last night. I know that I called or messaged a LOT of people and who knows what I said. I didn't drive home, thank god I knew enough not to do that, but I must have had a tough time telling the Uber driver where I lived because I woke up this morning sprawled out on someone else's lawn, miles from my house. Thank god it was an unusually warm night out. But let me tell you, having to call my wife to come pick me up and trying to explain that one to her was no picnic.

So yeah, that's pretty much how things are going right now. If only I knew some other way to stop the rapid cycling.

GOD IT FUCKING SUCKS HAVING TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS BULLSHIT DAY IN AND OUT.

FUCK BIPOLAR!!!